MEDIA COMMENTARY: When a Colleague Triggers You: Turning Emotional Reactivity into Leadership Growth

We’ve all been there.

That moment when a colleague says or does something that just gets under your skin. Your chest tightens, your thoughts start racing, and suddenly your focus is gone.

Triggers at work aren’t just inconvenient, they can quietly erode your performance, confidence, and even relationships. But here’s the thing: they’re also powerful mirrors for growth, if you know how to look at them differently.

I recently explored this topic with thrive_bt (by The Business Times Asia) in their “The Burning Question”  IG series:

If a colleague is triggering me, how should I handle this without letting it affect my work performance?”

And here’s my take, not just from theory, but from my own experience coaching leaders and teams who face this daily.

1. Do the inner work first

When we feel triggered, the instinct is to point outward, they said this, they did that. But leadership growth starts inside.

Ask yourself: What is this emotion trying to tell me? Triggers are often signs of deeper patterns, a fear of being overlooked, a value being challenged, or even an old story resurfacing.

Before you respond, pause. Take a breath. The goal isn’t to suppress emotion, but to acknowledge it without letting it steer the wheel.

2. Get past your feelings

Emotions are real, but they aren’t always reliable narrators.

Once you’ve acknowledged your reaction, step back and assess the bigger picture. What’s the context? Is this about this situation, or does it tap into something else entirely?

The ability to detach and observe your emotions, rather than drown in them, is a key marker of emotional intelligence. It’s also what allows you to show up grounded and clear-headed, especially under pressure.

3. Identify your patterns

If you find yourself triggered by similar behaviours or people, that’s valuable data. Patterns reveal blind spots.

What do these moments have in common? Maybe you feel unseen. Maybe you have high standards for fairness. Maybe it’s control.

Understanding your emotional triggers gives you the roadmap to transform them.

4. Accept that triggers are inevitable

Even the most emotionally aware leaders still get triggered, the difference is how fast they recover.

You can’t control every interaction, but you can control your reset speed. Having a mental “switch-back” routine, a quick walk, deep breathing, or even a moment of silence, helps you re-anchor before the emotion derails your focus.

Leadership is not about perfection. It’s about responsiveness.

5. Communicate, don’t combust

Once calm, address the issue with clarity, not blame. Use “I” statements. Describe what happened factually. State how it affected you and what you need moving forward.

This is not about confrontation,  it’s about creating healthy boundaries and mutual understanding. It models emotional maturity for others too.

From Trigger to Transformation

Here’s the truth: emotional triggers aren’t weaknesses. They’re data points.They reveal what we value, what we fear, and where we still have space to grow.

When we use them consciously, they become powerful tools for self-awareness and authentic leadership.

So, the next time a colleague triggers you, take it as an invitation, not a threat. An invitation to pause, reflect, and lead yourself first.

Because the strongest leaders aren’t the ones who never react, they’re the ones who know how to reset with grace and intention.

**This article expands on insights originally shared by Sara Sabin in The Burning Question series by thrive_bt on Instagram.